01-16-2004, 06:19 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-16-2004, 06:24 AM by Obi2Kenobi.)
SICKNESS (you): No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of illness, as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SICKNESS (Spouse): No excuse. Look at it this way, if your spouse was still single, they'd have to take care of themselves and we're sure they'd get along just fine. Having you to baby them while they are sick is a luxury this corporation cannot afford.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.
DEATH: (Other Than Your Own): This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else in a lesser position can attend to the arrangements of the funeral or whatever you people do when someone in your family croaks. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon hours, we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that your share of station work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence. If the funeral is after your shift, and your production is done, no problem. Do not attend a funeral before your shift. We can not afford to have you bummed at the job.
DEATH (YOUR OWN): This is an acceptable excuse for missing work provided that if it occurs while you are on duty, that you fall down. We have seen too many instances of staff dying on the job, but in such a manner that it was hard to tell they were truly deceased or just moving at normal speed. Also, we now require two weeks' notice so you can train your replacement.
QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.
ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
SICKNESS: (Your Children) No excuse. We didn't tell you to have children. If we had, you could have the time off. Having children was your decision and we regard their sickness as a problem you will have to deal with. This comes under the heading of Personal Problem and is no reason to be allowed to miss work at the radio station.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE: (For an Operation): We are no longer allowing this practice! We wish to discourage any thought that you may have about needing an operation. We believe that as long as you are employed at this company, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. It is also a violation of your contract.. those of you lucky enough to have one.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE: (For Pregnancy): Out of the question. If you will take the proper measures before sex this will not become a problem. Too many times we get someone trained and then they get pregnant. This costs the company money and is not acceptable. If you get pregnant you will be expected to work. We will allow you one day in which to have your baby. You must specify that day 2 weeks in advance. Once you have specified a date for the birth of your child, you MUST stick to it. No exceptions.
THE REST ROOM: Too much time is being spent in the Rest Room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going to the Rest Room in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with A will go from 8am to 8:05am, B will go from 8:05am to 8:10am, and so on. If you are unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the day when your turn comes again.
There are 365 days per year available to work. Of those 52 weeks you already have two days off per week, leaving 261 days to work. Since you spend 16 hours a day away from work you have used up 170 days which leaves 91 available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which amounts to another 23 days, leaving only 68 days available. With one hour for lunch you use up another 46 days leaving only 22 available to work. If you take 2 sick days off we are down to only 20 days a year in which to benefit from the fruits of your labor. Add in 5 holidays and 14 vacation days and you are down to one day of work per year. Damned if you can have that off!
SICKNESS (Spouse): No excuse. Look at it this way, if your spouse was still single, they'd have to take care of themselves and we're sure they'd get along just fine. Having you to baby them while they are sick is a luxury this corporation cannot afford.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.
DEATH: (Other Than Your Own): This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else in a lesser position can attend to the arrangements of the funeral or whatever you people do when someone in your family croaks. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon hours, we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that your share of station work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence. If the funeral is after your shift, and your production is done, no problem. Do not attend a funeral before your shift. We can not afford to have you bummed at the job.
DEATH (YOUR OWN): This is an acceptable excuse for missing work provided that if it occurs while you are on duty, that you fall down. We have seen too many instances of staff dying on the job, but in such a manner that it was hard to tell they were truly deceased or just moving at normal speed. Also, we now require two weeks' notice so you can train your replacement.
QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.
ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
SICKNESS: (Your Children) No excuse. We didn't tell you to have children. If we had, you could have the time off. Having children was your decision and we regard their sickness as a problem you will have to deal with. This comes under the heading of Personal Problem and is no reason to be allowed to miss work at the radio station.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE: (For an Operation): We are no longer allowing this practice! We wish to discourage any thought that you may have about needing an operation. We believe that as long as you are employed at this company, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. It is also a violation of your contract.. those of you lucky enough to have one.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE: (For Pregnancy): Out of the question. If you will take the proper measures before sex this will not become a problem. Too many times we get someone trained and then they get pregnant. This costs the company money and is not acceptable. If you get pregnant you will be expected to work. We will allow you one day in which to have your baby. You must specify that day 2 weeks in advance. Once you have specified a date for the birth of your child, you MUST stick to it. No exceptions.
THE REST ROOM: Too much time is being spent in the Rest Room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going to the Rest Room in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with A will go from 8am to 8:05am, B will go from 8:05am to 8:10am, and so on. If you are unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the day when your turn comes again.
There are 365 days per year available to work. Of those 52 weeks you already have two days off per week, leaving 261 days to work. Since you spend 16 hours a day away from work you have used up 170 days which leaves 91 available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which amounts to another 23 days, leaving only 68 days available. With one hour for lunch you use up another 46 days leaving only 22 available to work. If you take 2 sick days off we are down to only 20 days a year in which to benefit from the fruits of your labor. Add in 5 holidays and 14 vacation days and you are down to one day of work per year. Damned if you can have that off!