English Should be Revised

[kandrathe]

My son sent me this recently...

There is no EGG in EGGPLANT nor HAM in HAMBURGER; neither APPLE nor PINE in PINEAPPLE. MUFFINS weren't invented in England. QUICKSAND can work slowly, BOXING RINGS are SQUARE, and a GUINEA PIG is neither from GUINEA nor is it a PIG.

And why is it that WRITERS WRITE but FINGERS don't FING, GROCERS don't GROCE, and HAMMERS don't HAM? Doesn't it seem crazy to you that you can make AMENDS but not one AMEND? And if TEACHERS TAUGHT, why didn't PREACHERS PRAUGHT? If a VEGETARIAN eats VEGETABLES, what does a HUMANITARIAN eat?

In what other language do people RECITE at a PLAY and PLAY at a RECITAL? We SHIP by TRUCK but SEND CARGO BY SHIP. We have NOSES that RUN and FEET that SMELL. We PARK in a DRIVEWAY and DRIVE in a PARKWAY. And how can a SLIM CHANCE and a FAT CHANCE be the same, while a WISE MAN and a WISE GUY are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your HOUSE can BURN UP as it BURNS DOWN, in which you can FILL IN a form by FILLING IT OUT, and in which an ALARM goes OFF by going ON. And, in closing, if Father is POP, how come Mother's not MOP?