Why Royal Mail is strangling itself on the spot
#1
Flashback to about two months ago. I had just finished my temporary job with the WJEC and was looking for long-term employment. In a local newspaper, Royal Mail (The sole company in charge of Britain's mail infrastructure) were advertising two posts - Postperson, and Key Data Entry Clerk (KDEC).

Now, I have no interest in become a postie. Not because I can't handle heavy lifting (I can), not because I can't do mornings (I can, but these days you're lucky to get mail before ten in the morning), but because my grasp on geography (Both local and wider area) is poor. I've never been able to commit areas, streets, hell - Even towns - to memory.

However, KDEC is a fairly simple job. Punch in, pound keyboard all day, get paid. I applied for KDEC and waited for an application form, which I filled in, making sure that I clearly stated what position I was trying for in full.

Last week, I received a letter telling me that I'd been shortlisted for the position and was to attend an aptitude test this morning in a place I've never been to in an area I was last in about seven years ago. Included in the letter was a little booklet explaining the aptitude test for both the postperson's position and KDEC.

Since I've never been to this place, and since my mother was going into hospital today to have a cast removed, my father booked a day off work to drive me there, a gesture that I am thankful for especially since I'd no doubt get lost down there thanks to my inability to navigate.

So I arrive. In retrospect I should have been suspicious when the booklet I was given explained that I would be doing the test on a computer, and I was ushered into a room with five other people and only two PCs - Both dissassembled and gutted on the floor.

The testors were late in coming, so we ask no questions. They take our names and hand out the test papers...

...For the postperson's aptitude test.

I ask about this, and explain to an increasingly confused woman who had spent an hour and a half driving to the place to arrive late at 9:10AM that this is not the position I'm looking for.

"Are you sure?"

Yes, this isn't the position I'm looking for. I'm here for KDEC.

"Where did you apply for this?"

Newspaper ad.

"Erm... We don't advertise for KDEC in the newspaper..."

So, for a moment I stare blankly. Then I come to my senses, if I hadn't read about the KDEC position in the paper, then I wouldn't even know what a KDEC is, much less that Royal Mail needs them. I once again calmly explain it to her that, yes, I'm sure that I picked up the posting for this position in the newspaper, how else do you think I came across this position?

"Sorry, but we really don't advertise that position in the papers."

Yes you do.

"No we don't."

*Sigh* Okay, I decide to sit and fail the postperson's test. I have no real prospects of passing it, but I'll give it a shot on the offchance I do.

"Um... But you didn't apply for this position? Sorry, we can't give you the test. Sorry to have wasted your time."

Now, I can't kill her with a biro, because I need her still breathing to unlock the door out of the building. Nor can I explain to her that it's not only my time I've wasted, but also the time of my father and my grandfather (Who, in the absence of me or my father would be driving my mother to the hospital) because by the time I come to my senses I'm already being escorted out of the building. By the time I think of something witty to say, I hear the door lock behind me. By the time I turn around to say it, she's running back up the stairs at full speed.

Great.
When in mortal danger,
When beset by doubt,
Run in little circles,
Wave your arms and shout.

BattleTag: Schrau#2386
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#2
I recommend that you visit the local library, find the original advertisement on microfiche or microfilm and run of a printing of it. Make certain you circle the "KDEC" with a big red pen. Then phone Royal Mail and garner the name of said "testor" lady to get her mailing address (for the purposes of forwarding some fictional documentation that she requested) and drop that print-out into the mail to her tomorrow, along with a note saying:

"You do too... and now I'm after your job, you incompetent wench".

... but then, I've been known to carry a grudge and serve up cold dishes.
Garnered Wisdom --

If it has more than four legs, kill it immediately.
Never hesitate to put another bullet into the skull of the movie's main villain; it'll save time on the denouement.
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