"It was a Sturm und Drangy Nacht . . ."
#1
I like these "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" contest finalists, opening lines of the hypothetical or real bad novels. Read like a Letterman Top Ten list . . .



10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."


9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."


8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."


7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"


6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."


5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."


4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."


3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."


2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."


AND THE WINNER IS.....


1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!"



These are some of life's guilty little pleasures, and mostly groaners. Hip Hip, Hackray!

Occhi
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
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#2
I ... totally don't get the last one
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#3
You know, he was supposed to turn into a prince :)
But whate'er I be,
Nor I, nor any man that is,
With nothing shall be pleased till he be eased
With being nothing.
William Shakespeare - Richard II
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#4
Some of those are real knee-slappers!

By the way, you got the 1,000th thread in the Lounge :D
The error occurred on line -1.
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#5
No. 6 is disturbing. But I like reading that kind of thing.

I'm a fan of no.2 :) Some things are obvious, but one should still ought to state them.
With great power comes the great need to blame other people.
Guild Wars 2: (ArchonWing.9480) 
Battle.net (ArchonWing.1480)
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#6
My favourite is definitely number 6. :)
But whate'er I be,
Nor I, nor any man that is,
With nothing shall be pleased till he be eased
With being nothing.
William Shakespeare - Richard II
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#7
6 is good, but #7 makes me chuckle whenever I think of the line.
"You can build a perfect machine out of imperfect parts."
-Urza

He's an old-fashioned Amish cyborg with no name. She's a virginal nymphomaniac fairy princess married to the Mob. Together, they fight crime!

The Blizzcon Class Discussion:
Crowd: "Our qq's will blot out the sun"
Warlocks: "Then we will pewpew in the shade"
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#8
Occhidiangela,Sep 12 2004, 04:14 AM Wrote:7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep...  Andre creep.'"
:lol:
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#9
I personally liked number:

8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
WWBBD?
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#10
That's just because it supplied you with a pick up line for the next woman you find. Don't deny it! ;)

Cheers,

Munk
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#11
*shrugs* You caught me! :P
WWBBD?
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#12
I love #2. It fits the description of so many of my first- and second-degree relatives, especially the men on my mother's side (including all my brothers).
Creator of "The Corrupted Wish Game": Rules revised 06/15/05
"It was a quiet day...the kind of quiet that happens just before the entire Sioux nation comes up over the ridge."
[Image: cobalt-60.jpg] Click here for a free iPod!
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#13
I like 10, 9, and 2
I may be dead, but I'm not old (source: see lavcat)

The gloves come off, I'm playing hardball. It's fourth and 15 and you're looking at a full-court press. (Frank Drebin in The Naked Gun)

Some people in forums do the next best thing to listening to themselves talk, writing and reading what they write (source, my brother)
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#14
Your amphibian sig has me giggling in fond memory of a D & D, tabletop, raid ages ago, where I was the DM. I had a bunch of giant frogs waiting in ambush to attack the party, who were searching for a green dragon in a swamp. The group rolled a 1, which of course indicated Surprise, at which point I bellowed out:

"Cry Havoc, and let slip the Frogs of War!"

The groans of dismay at my horrific joke drowned out the "awe sh**" from the hobbit on point . . .

Thanks for the memory.

Occhi
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
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#15
Number 8 for me , He describes her quite well , then goes on to say she defies description :lol:

Take care
Take care
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#16
I like #5 -- its rather benign, clever and amusing. I also like #4, for roughly the same reasons as #5.
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#17
Quote:Your amphibian sig has me giggling in fond memory of a D & D, tabletop, raid ages ago, where I was the DM. I had a bunch of giant frogs waiting in ambush to attack the party, who were searching for a green dragon in a swamp. The group rolled a 1, which of course indicated Surprise, at which point I bellowed out:

"Cry Havoc, and let slip the Frogs of War!"
Oops, I already changed it...would you like me to bring it back?
Creator of "The Corrupted Wish Game": Rules revised 06/15/05
"It was a quiet day...the kind of quiet that happens just before the entire Sioux nation comes up over the ridge."
[Image: cobalt-60.jpg] Click here for a free iPod!
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#18
nt = nearby territory (?)
Out here,
--Ajax
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#19
The giggle I got was reward enough. :D

Occhi
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
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#20
I wonder if Kristen still has that one story she wrote...with a bit of work, if I recall, it was possible to condense the first and second paragraphs into one single sentence, and boy was it loony (something about a stethoscope in a safe, except the "stethescope" should read "shoe named Emily"). However, I know she's published it already, which I think would take it out of the running.
Creator of "The Corrupted Wish Game": Rules revised 06/15/05
"It was a quiet day...the kind of quiet that happens just before the entire Sioux nation comes up over the ridge."
[Image: cobalt-60.jpg] Click here for a free iPod!
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